Today I locked myself in the bathroom for a few minutes. In essence I sent myself to “time out” to avoid turning into a crazed screaming lunatic. As I sat in the bathroom by myself, I wondered how it was possible that someone so small and cute could drive a grown woman to what she thought was the edge of her sanity. Then I began to laugh as I thought how each of my kids had pushed me to this edge and all for different reasons. At one time I thought I was pretty patient, but now I’m realizing I probably only thought I was patient because my patience hadn’t really been put to the test.
Looking back, Samuel was my easiest with this phase. (Even though I now know the terrible twos in our house start WAY before two!) He was just breaking me in for what was to come. My biggest issue was that he could talk and express himself very well at such an early age that I found myself having arguments with a two year old who was sure he was smarter than his mommy. Then along came Bella who was so delightful, but a whirlwind of disaster. She could literally tear a room apart in seconds. But it wasn’t the messes that almost broke me, it was her changing her own dirty diapers that almost did it. The little green carpet cleaner became my best friend! Then the answer came in the form of zip-up pajamas turned inside out. Such an easy solution. Along came Isaac who was such a happy little guy, until it came time to get in the car. Then a monster emerged every day. And so to save my sanity we traded in a perfectly great SUV we’d only owned for 18 months for the mini-van. Once again a mental crisis was avoided.
But now it’s Jenna’s turn and I’m not sure how much money we’re going to need to avoid this crisis. I tearfully told Chuck today I needed a maid, a cook or a nanny because this little girl demands every second of my time or she’s screaming at the top of her lungs. When I laid out the issues, Chuck told me I needed to slow down. This made me laugh, “slow down,” I’m moving at a SLUGS pace these days. And that he said is my problem. I want to run and it’s just not possible right now. True, Very True!
This afternoon as that spit fire little girl of mine woke up in a full scream I looked at the clock and thought how can I make it 4 more hours until daddy gets home. Then I picked her up and she laid her little head on my shoulder while I rocked her and I realized we had something to learn from each other.
And tonight I know what that lesson is. I thought I had already learned this lesson years ago as we struggled to have our first baby. The lesson of surrendering my will – what I want, when I want it. Obviously I didn’t learn all I needed to because I know that’s what is required of me again.
So my new quest is for balance. And I found a perfect place to start quite by accident tonight. I was on the values parenting website trying to get both Bella and Isaac’s Joy School schedules put together when I saw a tab marked Lifebalance. I clicked on it and I couldn’t believe what I read.
“Time-management experts and positive-thinking gurus tell us we can do it all, have it all, be it all, but we're tired and stressed, and we sense that what is getting short-changed is the most important things of all --our families, our relationships, and our inner peace.
Lifebalance is a series of articles and an interactive course designed to help us restore our highest priorities to true prominence in our lives. Lifebalance may not help you get more things done, but it will help you choose more wisely where to spend your time and your mental effort and will give you the power of saying no to things that don't matter and the peace of giving yourself more fully to the things that do.”
And now I’m off on a new journey. I’m doing this program – at a SLUGS pace of course!
